


Mistaken Identity

by GuiltyRed



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Adult Situations, Gen, Humor, Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:16:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuiltyRed/pseuds/GuiltyRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reno just can't keep his mouth shut.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistaken Identity

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Mistaken Identity  
> **Author/Artist:** GuiltyRed  
> **Rating:** PG13  
> **Warnings:** adult situations  
> **Word count:** 477  
> **Summary:** Reno just can't keep his mouth shut.  
> **Prompt:** Reno/Elena: Toys, friendly advice: "You seriously don't own a dildo?"**  
> **

"You seriously don't own a dildo?"

"Do you?" Elena glowered at her red-headed associate, a blush rising to her cheeks.

"Well, no," Reno admitted with a little laugh. "It's different for a guy."

Elena took a swig of her beer and slowly licked the rim of the bottle. "Uh huh. Sure it is."

Reno looked away in an attempt to regain his composure. "Not even a vibrator?"

"Reno, why are we having this discussion?"

"It's not a discussion if you don't discuss nothin', yo!"

Elena sighed. "Okay, you first. Do you and if not, why?"

"No, because… er… I don't need one," he said with a smirk. "I've got Rude, yo. I don't think they sell 'em that big."

"Uh huh. Thought so."

"What, that he's hung or he's mine?"

"Both. He's sure as hell not getting it on with Tseng."

Reno's eyes narrowed and he leaned in for the kill. "Ah hah! So you _are_ dating him! I knew it!"

"What are you babbling about?" Elena tipped back her bottle, drained it. "Tseng has it for the boss, or hadn't you noticed?"

"The President?" Reno gaped. "Eeeeew!"

"Not _that_ boss, you idiot! Not the guy who signs our paychecks. His son, our _real_ boss."

"Oh. You had me worried there, thinking that Tseng might have hopped a short ride to Happyland or something." Reno finished his own beer, then asked, "Okay, so if it's not Tseng, and I'm presuming it's not a Shinra, who is it, then? Who's buttering your muffin?"

"Who's – _what_?" Elena choked on a laugh. "Reno, how drunk are you?"

"Not drunk enough to forget this. So spill it."

"None of your business! Suffice to say I am perfectly happy with my love life, and I have no need for mechanical assistance of any sort."

A knock sounded at the door.

Elena hurried to answer it. "Hang on, I'm coming!"

The door swung open to reveal a large man – a _very_ large man – a member of Avalanche, if Reno's brain served him right. He was darker than Rude, and his right arm…

"Oh, hey, I'd better be going," Reno stammered, trying not to stare at the attachment hubs on the prosthetic as he pushed his way past Elena's guest. "I'll just leave you two lovebirds alone, and, uh, just forget what we were talking about, okay?"

Elena nodded and gave Reno a final shove into the hallway, whereupon he bolted from the scene as though he feared for his lost virginity.

Barret scowled down at Elena. "What the hell's up with that guy?"

Elena laughed. "He thought you were someone else. Did you get it?"

Barret nodded and handed her an envelope. "Key's inside. Don't keep Tifa waiting, she's been looking forward to this all week."

Elena reached up and hugged the man around the neck. "You're a lifesaver, Barret! Thank you!"

"Anytime."


End file.
